When referring to our military, I always have the utmost respect, but in this instance, I refer to the countless minions that are out there waddling around the world. Yes, I said minions. Like from Despicable Me. Why do I refer to them as "the troops" you might ask? Well its a long story, but imagine a world where minions did all the fighting. Rather than blood and gore, we would have cute little battles where tiny sexually ambiguous yellow-fellas prance around mumbling sweet nothings to each other. They all have protective eyewear, and workers gear, so they should be good to go anytime. Now to propose this to the American military, and truthfully I'm feeling pretty confident about it. I mean, look who's in charge, He's basically a minion too.